Merry Christmas Darling

It is 0040 on Christmas Day 2013. As I write this I’m sitting up watching The First Eucharist of Christmas at Westminster Abbey feeding you and thanking God for you, our most precious gift. This is our very first Christmas with you and for that reason alone Christmases will never be the same again. It’s now my turn to insure your Christmases are as magical as mine were as a child.

You will probably never know how much we’ve longed for you. Never know how much we’re thankful that we’ve been entrusted to be your parents, your guardians. We’re so lucky that somehow we’ve been allowed to have you in our lives and hope you feel the same about us too. It’s been a very long and often difficult journey to get to this point. After 3 miscarriages I never imagined that I’d ever be lucky enough to be blessed with you yet here you are my beautiful boy.

Every day of the 39 weeks and 4 days that you were inside me were filled with worry. We daren’t tell a soul you were growing inside me incase you were taken from us. You were photographed more times than you can imagine checking that you were ok, every appointment was met with dread predicting the sonographer once more giving us heartbreaking news but every time coming away amazed and elated with yet another little photograph that we would stare at for hours then put away in a drawer with our notes in case just having them on display would tempt fate. Every move you made inside me was met with relief and you were a lazy little soul in utero so when I wasn’t woken at 5am by your hiccups or you rolling around I would spend the next hour prodding you to wake you up… This often took a while and just as panic was about to take over you would give me a right wallop as if in annoyance, not that I cared as relief rolled over me like a tidal wave.

Right up until the wonderful day you were born I had this awful feeling of dread, that something would go wrong to burst my bubble. It didn’t thankfully and on the 22nd November, at 0843 after a relatively quick and easy labour and 3 days before you were due you were handed to me and that’s when it happened. That’s the moment when I fell head over heels in love with you. It hit me like a train. I never anticipated it, never thought how it would feel. I was gobsmacked. I was overjoyed. I was relieved. I was blessed.

I still can’t quite believe you are ours. Every day I cherish every inch of you, every breath you take feels like a blessing that I still can’t quite believe I’ve earned. Every day is filled with joy, yet more worry. Worry that will probably only end when my life does. Alongside every joyful day comes me fretting about the tiniest things. I worry about how long you sleep or how little. Worry about that those spots on your skin. Worry about the little noises you make in your sleep, you already have a plethora of vocal arrangements that entertain us. Worry about how little you poo or then how much. How much you sick up. How much you eat (you’re a little gannet my darling). I never dreamt every moment of you would be met with equal measures of love and worry.

You’ve now been with us a whole 33 days, you are officially over a month old yet it feels like you’ve always been here. I can’t imagine my life as it was before you, it’s a distant memory that has been replaced by a love I can’t describe. A love so overwhelming it makes me weep, not in a bad way you understand just because it’s a love you can never prepare for. I catch myself just staring at your beautiful face. I get totally lost in you. I never want to be without you and already dread the day when you will, inevitably, leave me to start your own life but hopefully that won’t be for eons yet.

These 33 days have been the most amazing, satisfying and overwhelming experience, one you can never anticipate nor prepare for. Already you’ve changed so much. You are much more alert now and we get to entertain you more each day with ridiculous noises, silly songs and even more stupid dances. You are picking your head up so strongly now and looking around so inquisitively at your surroundings. You love to mimic the silly faces I pull and every time you do it delights me and I fall in love with you even more if that’s at all possible. It’s not going to be long until you roll over, you’re very nearly there and I can feel my pride swell at every new development you make.

You love anything that sparkles, the Christmas tree being a firm favourite at the moment and I can’t wait to get your bouncer so we can sit you in front of it to calm you when you get grouchy. You love being walked around and being out into the fresh air, you almost relish in the sun being on your face. You love your milk (that’s a story in itself). You love being held and much prefer sleeping on me than in your crib. That’s ok really coz every time I move you into it my heart breaks a little and I want to pull you back to me. It’s almost like the umbilical cord is still joining us. I know I should be stronger where this is concerned but then I’m also aware this time will fly by and I want to relish every single moment. Your Daddy berates me for this, I think he’s just jealous but that’s just between us two 😉

You hate your nappy being changed and this act often leaves your darling daddy traumatised because you cry so much. I don’t blame you, it’s cold at the moment and I’d cry too if someone stripped me naked. You’re slowly getting used to being bathed, it’s hit or miss at the moment as to whether it’s met with a mild tolerance or a passionate hatred.

You are currently curled up on my chest like a little dormouse in the most delicious sleep, I should move you into your crib and get some sleep myself as you will be awake again in a few hours but I’m relishing and treasuring these beautiful moments knowing that they’re going to be gone in a blink of an eye. I have a lifetime to sleep and can’t help staring into your beautiful sleeping face and wondering what life you will have.

Your life is stretching out before you darling, a life filled with exciting new experiences some good, some unfortunately not so good but remember that you have a loving Mummy and Daddy that’ll always be there to offer you a hand or give you advice. We’ll be there to pick you up when you fall and to lift you up to enable you to achieve your dreams. Don’t ever stop dreaming Noah, life is for the taking and you must grab it with both hands, it’s there to be enjoyed and you can achieve whatever you set your mind to regardless of the obstacles that appear to be in the way. The world is full of the most wondrous and beautiful places and I hope that you’ll get to enjoy it as I have and more. I hear my mother talking to me when I think of how I will advise you and think this must be the same for every generation, to learn from the mistakes made by the generation before you and hope the next won’t make the same.

My want for you Noah is for you to be, above all else, happy. I want you to achieve your dreams. I want you to find something you love and to do it to the best of your ability. I never want you to settle for second best. I want you to be courteous, kind and respectful of others always. I want the very best for you my darling boy and will try my damnedest to make sure it happens.

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Merry Christmas my beautiful boy. I love you more than life itself, never forget that.

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4 Weeks Old Today

I know it sounds clichéd but I seriously can’t believe it’s been 4 weeks since we welcomed our little boy into this world. On one hand it seems like just yesterday, on the other it seems like years since I was poking his feet to get them to retract from my ribcage or relishing in those early morning hiccups.

Everyday he brings us such joy, along with a truck load of worry and paranoia about his health of which we have no actual concerns… Does this ever end?

He’s starting to change quickly now. He’s becoming much more alert which means entertaining him has notched up a level. We had naïvely thought we wouldn’t need all the detritus you so often find in houses where children are present. It has now become apparent to us that we do, this detritus is a necessary evil, one that saves your sanity. Speaking to a fellow new parent who shared this philosophy and is a couple of weeks down the track to us has now owned up to his living quarters resembling the back page of an Argos catalogue. We are constantly sharing opinions and ‘tricks of the trade’ and for this we are eternally grateful, they appear to have some of the same ‘issues’ as us and it’s nice to know we’re not alone and what to expect a couple of weeks down the track.

Personality
Chilled! What more can I say?
I’m not saying he never cries for when he does he can stop wild animals in their tracks but generally he’s just the most chilled out soul, I think he’s got this from me!

Sleep
We have rented a bednest, as have our fellow new parents mentioned above, they appear to be having more success than we are. I’m hoping this is due to the age of the baby. However since introducing a blanket and sliding him across whilst asleep he has successfully slept in it 3 nights running but it would be nice to be able to settle him IN the bednest.

He still uses me as a pacifier to aid him into sleep and this has, in part, contributed to my very painful nipple ‘issue’. We have seriously considered the virtues of a dummy. We don’t like dummies. Never have. We’re fast becoming swayed. However I will not introduce one until he’s atleast 6 weeks and hope, by then, he may have changed his bedtime needs or atleast found his thumb.

He seems to be sleeping from 10/11 until 2 then have a quick feed and sleep through until 5/6 then sleeps again allowing me time to either snooze with him or have breakfast at a reasonable hour.

He sleeps so soundly we still find ourselves nudging him to check he’s ok, seriously… Will this paranoia ever end? He’s still happier sleeping on his side which causes issues whilst settling him at night. We now allow him to fall asleep on his side and when we transfer him to the nest we roll him onto his back and pray! He’s usually twisted sideways again by the time he’s awake.

Feeding
This has been a struggle in recent times as you may have read in my post My Breastfeeding Journey. However, I’m pleased to say over the last two days things appear to be improving. I called our Maternity Support Worker for some advice and she popped over to see us. I may have a plethora of negative comments about the community postnatal support in our area but I have to say this woman is magic! She told me that this is a new position, she works in conjunction with the HVs and I have to say how invaluable I’ve found her. She is quite simply the best!

She agrees his latch is good and that my issues have more than likely been caused by poor latching and suckling at night, as previously thought (my bad for being a lazy trollop). She tweaked my hold and told me to pull him in more firmly (violently in my opinion, I’ve obviously been too soft in my feeding approach) as she thinks he may have been hanging off my nipple. She then reassured me the pain would ebb. He shows no signs of thrush, I don’t have mastitis (never thought this) it’s just one of those things that will pass in time. She has rung me every day since and I can say that the pain is indeed ebbing… Thank god! Thank you Kerry!! I’m still piling on the Lansinoh and am still a little sore in the evenings after his mammoth feeds and eternal pacifying but it’s nowhere near as painful as it has been. I feel I’m turning a corner, either that or my nipples are now turning into the ‘Range Rover Wheel Nuts’ as a Twitter friend kindly warned me about.

I have to say I’m rather proud of myself, I could so easily have given up and it is the one thing I really didn’t want to have to compromise on. I know things could still change as I don’t know what lies in the future and short of mastitis and Noah chewing a breast off I feel I have got through one critical barrier and hope I’m on the home straight.

Size
Due to Noah being quite sicky this week the maternity support worker told me to get him weighed again. I went to a different session closer to home this time, although the slot is an hour earlier I thought it would be easier… Cue a repeat of last week’s weigh in events as detailed in Week Three blog. This time I drove. Our first adventure in the car with just the two of us!
He has put on a further 5oz in 6 days. He now weighs 8Ib 1oz. So pleased these sicky episodes aren’t affecting him in any way. May start a food diary and see if what I’m eating is affecting him.

He continues to get remarks on how long he is, I may well measure him later today and see how much he has actually grown as it’s hard to tell when you see them on a daily basis. In fact a friend came round last night with her 11 week old daughter and side by side their bodies are the same length! Height is definitely something he hasn’t inherited from me (Hobbits).

He’s still nowhere near growing out of his newborn clothes, thank god I bought more!

Nappies
We trialed the real nappies this week for a day. They’re lovely on his skin and he doesn’t fight quite so hard when changing him. It must be like being wrapped up in a fleece blanket. However, they’re still too big for him, bless his heart. I put them on and lie him down and his body is nearly at a 45 degree angle so we’re sticking with the Naty’s for a while longer, annoying but necessary I think.

Milestones
Noah is doing fabulously.
All the tummy time I’ve been giving him (fashioning expensive TT cushions from elbow cushions, fleece blankets and a menagerie of cuddly toys) is paying off, he is holding himself away from me so upright and strong now whilst he looks around it really is quite amazing.
He’s starting to show signs of rolling over and I don’t think it’ll be long until he does. He’s whipping his legs round so violently that I’m beginning to think he’s going to be an amazing breakdancer. He can quite happily spin 90 degrees when left on his back.
His alert time is increasing everyday which is fabulous until he kicks off.
He’s mimicking some of my more ridiculous facial features and has increased his vocal repertoire considerably although we’re yet to hear a definite goo or gaa.

Washing
Never EVER would I have guessed at how much laundry such a little human being can create. You can’t half go through some clothes Noah, that you must get from your Dad!!

Lessons Learned
Despite the best of intentions I’ve realised, and refuse to beat myself up about it, that you can’t always parent how you would have ideally liked. I’ve decided to view parenthood like I did my birth plan; it’s nice to have an ideal plan that would be adhered to, by the letter, in an ideal world. However, in reality it’s most likely going to end up as scrap paper and you can’t dwell on why it’s totally changed from your original view else you will drive yourself into despair. Life doesn’t have set rules so why do we think we can enforce them at one of the most stressful times of our lives. Winging it and being baby led isn’t such a bad way to learn until some sort routine can be established and I’m not too proud to admit it (that’ll make my brother and sister-in-law giggle 😜) as long as we’re all happy and healthy I don’t see a problem with it.

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Happy 4 week birthday my beautiful, beautiful boy.

My Breastfeeding Journey

It’s supposed to be the most natural and wonderful thing in the world to do for your child and I’ve never ever entertained feeding my baby in any other way.

I’m a huge advocate for the act of breast feeding, it’s what we’re designed to do after all. It’s a wonderful way to bond with your newborn, it helps GREATLY in reducing you post pregnancy bump and the health benefits it holds for your child are second to none.

With this knowledge I made sure I attended the antenatal breast feeding class, read all I could on good latching techniques and different holds. I researched ways to eliminate any negative ‘side effects’ it may have and my OH stocked up on Lansinoh on the say so of other BFing mums he knows in preparation. I knew all the signs to look out for in my baby to ensure he was put to the breast before getting too worked up.

I was happy. I was ready. I was looking forward to this beautiful act. I had every angle covered.

Or so I thought…

Nearly three weeks in and I can understand why some women give up. I’m shattered. No one told me about the cluster feeding. No one told me how difficult it is to attach a wriggling frantic baby to your breast so they are latched on properly. No one warned me how tiredness can make you let your child just latch on anyway they wanted to simply to get some rest after a marathon 3 hour feed that seems to sap you of all your energy. Nowhere did I read how hard it actually is to breastfeed and how incompetent, useless and disappointed it can make you feel if your plans don’t go, well, to plan!

Constant worries over whether your child is getting enough milk, it would be handy to have a gauge on each breast but you don’t. Everyone tells you that your baby will tell you when they’ve had enough as they’ll just ‘come away’. They also tell you your tiny bundle only has a tummy the size of a walnut, so explain to me why he is feeding for up to 3 hours in an evening, vomiting then feeding some more.

Thank god for Twitter and the fabulous MW I follow on there who let me know about the 3rd day feeding frenzy. Why the hell this wasn’t discussed in antenatal nor mentioned by my own MW is a mystery to me. Also the advice and support I’ve received by dozens of people regarding cluster feeding, another phenomenon the ‘professionals’ I turned to whilst pregnant and as a brand new mum failed to explain or warn me about. Without these people and their words of encouragement about it ‘getting better’ and ‘it’s natures way of your baby telling your body the amount of milk he needs’ I would have surely given up and felt a total failure.

Nearly three weeks in and my nipples scream at me every evening when the cluster feeding starts. They’re so sore, it’s like a needle is being inserted into my nipples. I don’t dread each feed yet but I don’t relish the thought of having to feed off my left breast. I’ve sobbed uncontrollably in the bath massaging my swollen breasts in near scolding water to ensure I don’t get blocked ducts and walked around with half a cabbage patch stuffed in my bra all to avoid possible mastitis of which I was convinced this pain was.

Thankfully mastitis it isn’t! Apparently you feel like a bus has hit you with that one, great! It turns out I have either vasospasm/blanched nipples or thrush which I will ask my breast support worker about when I can find her number.

So what am I doing to get through?

I’m forcing myself to ensure baby is latched properly, especially at night, I’m actually getting up to feed instead of lazily feeding laterally. I’m using nipple sandwiching and stuffing techniques to do this. Yogic breathing during latching… Well it got me through childbirth effectively enough. Tilting baby’s head upwards so his chin is extended helps create a deeper latch apparently. Rubbing some expressed milk into each nipple and ensuring they’re dry before dressing. Applying a warm compress to each nipple when they are white and painful and smothering them in a thick slick of lansinoh.

My ideals seem a million miles away.from me. Taking a stroll with baby casually feeding in a sling, that whole Mother Earth, barefoot mama thing I so expected to be offering are replaced every evening with the overwhelming feeling of utter failure. It would be so easy to give up.

I won’t of course, give up that is.

I’m too bloody stubborn for that but I do understand why so many women do and then they’re vilified for their decision. Listening to some smug militant women talk it’s tantamount to child abuse. How about easing up on these poor women who no doubt already feel like they’ve somehow let their child down in some way. Yes, I agree, breast is best but surely formula and a mentally stable and happy mother is better.

Week Three

The start to this week has seen the start of Christmas preparations.

Every year I go out and hunt down a tree, it has to be perfect and it’s pretty much always been picked by me which has resulted in some hilarious tales over the years including 13ft monsters that rendered the only door out of the lounge impassable and tales of wildlife still residing in it. Of course when it was in the field it looked like the 9fter I wanted. Think National Lampoon and you’ll be on the right track!

Anyway I digress, this year, for obvious reasons I’ve had to relinquish my hold on my tree tradition and hand it over to a trusted friend to pick it out for me. Now I trust her more than life itself when it comes to anything Christmas, she’s one of those people who are counting down the days in June! It’s beautiful… I love it! It’s Noah’s first Christmas and I wanted the tree to be perfect and it is. I spent Saturday evening dutifully decorating it and adding this year’s decoration courtesy of @craftsboy and with my beautiful mum in pride of place.

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As for Christmas shopping, please don’t ask, I haven’t done anything… Nothing! Oops! Well not nothing. I have bought cards. I haven’t written them yet but bought they are.

We’ve also bitten the bullet and after much deliberation, on Sunday, OH hired a bednest. We’re hoping this will be a compromise for all of us. Giving Noah the security he obviously needs at night, me the sleep I need without freezing and OH the security that we’re all safe, well and rested. They are pricey to buy and we don’t have a cot as yet to ‘fashion’ into one (heirloom cot that’s still with my cousin currently) so we found this company who do a 6 month rental. Still more money than we can really afford but a necessary expenditure and if it works, money well spent. It arrived on Wednesday, I’ll let you know our opinion in due course after we’ve given it a week or two.

For three night’s running Noah slept through until 3am then I managed to settle him in his basket where he slept for the remainder of the night. Three night’s on the trot! I feel refreshed and energised!!

Cluster feeding continues to cause me issues with a stabbing pain through my nipple at night. Wandered around with half a cabbage patch shoved in my bra thinking it may be the start of mastitis, on later consideration (and googling, I’m afraid) I think I may have something called nipple blanching. Thinking this is caused by his latching when frantically feeding in the evening and by pure laziness on my part by not maintaining a proper latch in favour of getting a bit of rest. Take that as a lesson well learned.

Found out what the ‘falling’ reflex newborns have is called and googled it. The Moro Reflex; reading up on it has actually upset me. To think my perfect, precious little boy is born with a fear is unbelievably heart rending. Speaking on behalf of the majority of parents out there (I’d hope) our main aim is to keep our children safe and happy and to be made aware that our children are born with a fear is quite upsetting. It makes you aware of the stresses a baby must go through by the simple act of being born and there’s me moaning on about piles. Bless his heart, I want to cry every time he does it, damn you hormones.

Thursday brought our first trip out for baby clinic to get weighed. Oh. My. God. It’s a good thing these appointments are done on a drop in arrangement but they could do with extending the slot to 6 hours instead of 2 (1100-1300). It took me all morning to prepare for it. I had everything planned, or so I thought. I was bathed, dressed and even had makeup on. N was bathed and dressed and napping. Pram was set up and ready to go. Changing bag prepped and it was still only 0930. All I needed to do was feed and change his nappy and we were set to go. I’ll do this at 1030 giving us plenty of time to get up there.

How quickly things can deteriorate when a child is added to the mix. I didn’t count on a random cluster feed session where I had only factored in a ‘usual’ half an hour feed. He finished feeding with an hour left to walk up there before the end of the slot, it’s a good 15-20 minute walk. Changed his nappy, he vomited, all over his clothes so then had to change him. 40 minutes remaining. Thank god I’d set up pram earlier. It starts to rain, start faffing with raincover having never used it before. 30 minutes remaining. Stress levels are slowly rising then to top it off he starts to scream as I put on his hat and cardigan. I decide if he’s still screaming at the end of the road I’m not going. The HV can blooming well come to me!

As it turns out he calms down as we walk, he loves motion. We get to the clinic with 5 minutes to spare. I look a total wreck, my makeup has literally run off my face (it may be raining, but it ain’t cold) I’m sweating like a pig I have no idea what I have to do here and although the receptionist was lovely and very helpful the advice inside the clinic was non existent without prompting.

Anyway, he’s put on 6.5 oz his head circumference is fine (no worries there, as I predicted). Now to head back home and collapse.

The end of the week ended on a bit of a negative which was a bit of a shame on his 3rd week birthday. Total lack of sleep, VERY painful nipples and a very grouchy baby on Friday had me totally melt down the moment OH walked through the door on Friday afternoon. He was brilliant, bundled us up and took us for a walk into town to buy some nipple shields and get some air. N fell asleep at the gate, kicked myself for not trying that earlier myself. Came home had long soak in bath and regrouped. Felt really bad as had totally forgotten he had a leaving do to attend for one of the girls at work and because of my mild nervous breakdown he didn’t go, he didn’t even mention it so huge apologies go out to both him and Nic for being so pathetic.

N slept like a lamb that night, blessed sleep was had by all. So, in hind sight, perhaps the week actually ended on a positive note after all.

Week Two

I really can’t believe how quickly time is going by. In fact as I am writing this it’s actually been 2 weeks and 4 days since our precious parcel was delivered into our care.

I’m not going to bore you all with as detailed a run down as I did in Noah’s first week, just a quickie, I promise!

We continue to learn something new every day. This week has seen us discharged from the care of the community midwives which after missed visits, no shows and let downs I’m not overly bothered about! I understand that events happen which render appointment times impossible to honour but a phonecall wouldn’t go amiss and the correct and relevant information when you finally do get some for, of contact would be preferable.

I was supposed to have a visit on Saturday (day 8), midwife rang after 1400hrs to tell me the visit would be about 1730! No show… We finally locked the door at 1930 and had supper. Phonecall at 1100 on Sunday apologising for missed visit… Valid excuse. MW day off on Sunday so could she visit on Monday?… No problem, she’ll see us early afternoon. Roll on Monday 1630 when I leave a message on MW answer machine asking when she was going to visit. Another MW calls back… My MW on a training course all day, she must have forgotten. Rearranged another home visit for Wednesday, my discharge appointment!! Wednesday comes round, phonecall in morning asking whether we could go up to the office! A mild annoyance but seeing as we were going to take Noah to OHs office to shoe him off we didn’t mind too much. Appointment at 1430, plenty of time to get him fed, changed and up there…. Or so we thought! 1400 and he kicks off! Needs feeding – one of his mammoth feeds ended up making us nearly half an hour late. Now if you know our MW service you’ll know there’s no manned reception, no way of announcing yourself and no way of letting anyone know you’re there. We’re late, the office appears empty so there we sat for half an hour more hoping that MW hasn’t just given up on us. Noah fills nappy, again! First changing experience outside the comfort of our home. Take changing bag to the toilet. Now this is the toilet in the MW unit so imagine my surprise when I discover no changing facilities, nothing, nowhere but the floor to change him on. At this point MW comes out of another room and ushers us in, I’ll leave the nappy to her. Anyway, after apologies concerning the weekend debacle Noah is doing fine, apparently he’s latching well, I’m fine and have stopped bleeding??? News to me but never mind! He is putting on weight nicely which alleviates my concerns over his possible lack of milk intake. Some garbled information about postnatal GP appointments and being informed the health visitor will visit us tomorrow at midday, that’s us discharged.

Then onto the office to be proudly shown off to OH’s colleagues… He did us so proud, he was as good as gold throughout the whole affair and they were all so lovely (having only met a handful of his colleagues before). Kisses, cuddles and presents were bestowed upon him which he accepted without a murmur of complaint. So proud!

After such an eventful day we decided that it would be fitting to give Noah his first experience of the bath. I’m not sure wh was more traumatised by this, Noah or ourselves! I can quite happily report the experience went down like a lead balloon.

Day 12 saw the health visitor visit to do carry out Noah’s hearing test and measurements. Of course he’s super alert and just wants wriggle constantly. Finally calm him with the breast while the test is done. All clear, both ears, another proud moment! HV concerned that his head circumference has grown 3cm in 2 weeks panicking OH. I’m not overly concerned, he was ventouse after all and the first. Erasure meant of 34cm was done immediately after birth and not done again since. Anyway it’ll get measured again next week to be sure. After some more garbled and contradictory information HV left with no plans to see us again.

This day also saw our first explosive poo, out both leg holes and up his back. Impressed us both I can tell you. Also this Little Rufus romper arrived from ‘Auntie’, isn’t it fab?!

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Cluster feeding continues along with it’s daily challenges. I can now totally understand why some women give up breastfeeding despite their good intentions. I shall blog separately about this issue in due course.

Co sleeping continues having failed to settle him in his basket since Day 4. Not that I mind. There’s nothing more beautiful than watching his sleeping face in bed. OH still unsettled about the arrangement and is looking into hiring a bednest for 6 months.

The amount of washing I’m doing continues to amaze me… How can someone so small create so much laundry? Can’t wait to start the real nappies!!

We’re still being showered with gifts, cards and well wishes. The generosity and kindness of people, some we’ve never even met (thank you TwitterFamily), continues to astonish me. It is now official… Noah has a better, bigger and more varied wardrobe than me!

Although I miss my bump terribly and all the comforting little undulations that it brought me I can happily say it has very nearly gone now. I’m still left with the Linea Nigra, a very enlarged belly button and a jelly like ponch but mostly it’s vanishing quite nicely, maternity jeans don’t stay up anymore so it’s time to dig out my pre pregnancy ones and grit my teeth. I intend to start some form of exercise as soon as I can find the time to counteract all these extra calories I seem to be wolfing my way through.

Cat is slowly getting used to the new addition and has stopped racing out the room as soon as Noah starts to cry.

Another rookie error was made. Kissing Noah’s perfect little mouth just after burping resulted in him vomiting IN my mouth!

Still finding it a struggle getting everything coordinated enough to get out the door but still managing a walk most days, god knows how I’ll manage when OH returns to work next week, it’s going to be a case of sacrificing a nap to go for a walk.

Despite everything we are still totally in awe of our perfect little boy. He’s only doing what babies do and my moans and gripes are more to do with my inability to cope with these challenges than the challenges themselves. I wish my mum was around to help me and give me advice but I can’t dwell on that as it won’t change the reality of the situation and I’ll just have to muddle through as best I can. I have my sister in law that I can rely on to cheer me up, tell me I’m doing ok when I actually feel like a total failure and to give me some candid advice, I just need to find the time to ring her more 😉

Biggest event of this week was finally registering Noah’s birth on the 3rd. Not that he was bothered but it was kinda epic for us. Have to say I wonder why, in today’s society, the father’s details are first and seemingly more important than the mother’s. Anyway, what a weird place our registry office is. Quite depressing to say the least. Can’t quite believe people chose to marry there, it’s the only place on earth where the fake flowers look died. Anyhow, he’s now ‘in the system’ Big Brother is now watching him. Now we have to await the certificates. Welcome to the official world Noah Ace.

One Week Old!

Wow, I have today managed to have breakfast before midday. Not only before midday, before 10am! I’ve even managed to bath, get dressed AND applied make up. Perhaps I’ve cracked it? I think not! I’m thinking this is a freak event rarely to be repeated.

I can’t believe it’s been a whole week since our Noah was handed into our care. A whole week has gone by and he’s still fit and healthy. A whole week of this scary new world of parenthood. We have already been on a roller coaster of emotion usually centred around Noah’s well being, of course everything’s been fine, just good old fashioned new parent paranoia. Thank god for google else I think we may have called the doctor atleast 3 times.

Bar the sleep deprivation I feel ok. My breasts are sore, dear God are they sore! I can understand why so many women give up on breast feeding. I’m sure that if we had the equipment in place on a couple of occasions I would have done the same. I feel saddened that so much pressure is put upon women to breast feed. Don’t get me wrong, I have no intention of giving up on it but I have felt feelings of utter failure due to my inability to cope well with these feeding frenzies. OH has been amazingly supportive, leaving me little notes of encouragement in my iPad for me to find at 2am. Setting up night feed care packages that resemble some absurd Christmas Eve gift to Santa.

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I think he feels somehow useless because he can’t take over and give me a break but I hope this passes and that he realises how of use he actually is. He’s cooking quite a lot, if you know me you know how protective I am about my kitchen, it would appear the arrival of Noah has released my hold on that room. To be fair, if I didn’t we wouldn’t be eating EVER! He’s doing a fantastic job of feeding me up, I’ve never felt so hungry in my life. Who knew breast feeding could make you so hungry. I’m ravenous! We even have pudding… I hate puddings, now I can’t stuff enough into my face quick enough. It’s going to transpire that all the hard work I put into not putting on weight during my pregnancy is going to be undone postnatal… Who knew?!

I’ve been religiously doing my pelvic floor exercises which I’m finally starting to feel now. This is making walking a lot less uncomfortable. I’m beginning to feel I don’t have to cross my legs every time I laugh or cough or sneeze or talk! Can’t wait to be able to start my yoga again, I’m feeling so stiff and hope it will restore some of my energy. I have started doing some breathing exercises but daren’t stretch just yet, stitches are still intact and don’t want to risk pulling any. Lord knows when I can actually start going for a run, but baby steps on that front I think.

Our learning curve continues to steepen everyday and we’re enjoying every step of it, our love for our beautiful boy continues to grow and intensify. I find myself staring down at his sleeping face in bed and could just melt into him. I wake up moments before he does (or so it seems) and he’s snuggled himself in towards my breast. He’s just so perfect. So beautiful. So us!

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Happy one week birthday Noah.

Written: 29th November 2013